Hillary Clinton Decries Lack of Blacks in Fairy Tales
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 37 Comments
(2008-01-12) — As former President Bill Clinton phoned the Rev. Al Sharpton to explain why he has described Sen. Barack Obama’s opposition to the Iraq War as a “fairy tale“, his wife’s presidential campaign moved quickly to capitalize on his remarks.
Sen. Clinton will reportedly hold a news conference next week to decry the lack of African-American characters in fairy tales, and note that her husband was “doing what he could to advance Civil Rights in this arena.”
“Each night, as American children go to bed,” Sen. Clinton will reportedly say, “they hear fantastic tales from which blacks are almost entirely absent. African-American children are made to feel that there’s no place for them in imaginary society. While caucasian children live in blissful ignorance, in a fantasy world that’s lilly, or should I say snow, white.”
Sen. Clinton will promise that, when elected president, she will issue an executive order directing the National Endowment for the Arts to fund composition of fairy tales in which the percentage of “good” African-American characters matches the percentage of blacks in the general population.
She will then order the Department of Education to mandate the use of such “civil righteous fairy tales” in elementary public school curricula.
Obama Declines Kerry Endorsement
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 94 Comments
(2008-01-10) — Sen. Barack Obama today declined the endorsement of Sen. John Kerry, saying his presidential campaign is about “hope and change”, and he doesn’t want to “send mixed messages.”
Sticking with his new stump speech refrain, Sen. Obama said, “They told us you can’t run a presidential campaign without kissing up to every Democrat who ever rode this donkey to defeat. But I say, yes…yes we can.”
“They told us you can’t diss a former presidential candidate who’s a professional Vietnam war veteran,” he added, “But I say yes…yes we can.”
An unnamed spokesman for the Obama campaign said the endorsement rejection is not necessarily permanent.
“If we get to the convention and our campaign needs a little extra shove to put us over the top,” the Obama aide said, “then we might ask Sen. Kerry to…you know…do it.”
Media Won't Drop Out, In Race for Long Haul
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 32 Comments
(2008-01-09) — Despite embarrassing finishes in Iowa and New Hampshire, the mainstream media (MSM) today dismissed talk of an early withdrawal from the presidential race, saying political correspondents and pollsters are “in it for the long haul.”
The unnamed MSM spokesperson blinked back tears as she described the difficulty of predicting election outcomes, not to mention the hardship of life on the road and the stress of waiting for the next gaffe or personal attack from a candidate.
“It’s hard,” the MSM source said, “because we passionately want to take the country back to the days when we controlled the message and the distribution channels.”